sarcasm-warning-2Virgil van Dijk has admitted his frustration with the Arsenal groundsmen after he was unable to destroy the penalty spot prior to Santi Cazorla giving Arsenal the lead against Southampton in the closing moments of Saturday’s game.

“Well, yeah, it’s a penalty in the last minute, so you try to do anything to prevent the goal and that’s what I did, but it didn’t work,” the Southampton man told the press.

“Those Arsenal groundsmen must use some sort of super-glue infused paint, I’ve never known anything to stick to the ground so well.*”

Van Dijk was cautioned for his attempts at interfering with the spot but as his antics did not involve a dive, they were not covered by the press who only acknowledge one form of cheating worthy of regular outrage.

Meanwhile, the debate still rages on regarding the penalty, but as Arsenal fans rightly point out, it was justice for Shane Long last season.

*second part of quote not reflective of anything said in real life

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Writer. Feminist. Dreamer. Gooner. Owner of DailyCannon.com, writing about Arsenal since 2008. Sometimes found in the Guardian, Vice.com & elsewhere talking queer issues, politics & football. If in doubt, assume sarcasm.