Poor Enner Valencia only wanted a cup of tea.

Droping his tea cup and then standing on it, the West Ham man has now been ruled out of their trip to the Emirates on Saturday due to a badly lacerate toe.

You probably remember Sir Alex Ferguson bemoaning the near-loss of his most important player after Ashley Williams inadvertently/deliberately [delete as appropriate based on your allegiances] kicked a football at the Robin van Persie’s head while he lay on the ground and claimed it could have killed the Dutchman.

What better chance, then to take a look at some of the stupidest ways footballers have got injured.

Fishing rods

David Seaman, while at Arsenal, managed to injure his shoulder after the trying to reel in a 26lb carp.

Dug outs

Perry Groves injured his head after he jumped up to celebrate an Arsenal goal, knocking himself out.

Shouting

Manchester United goalkeeper [goalkeepers feature on this list a lot] Alex Stepney dislocated his own jaw shouting at a defender during a match against Birmingham.

Corner flags

After scoring against Chelsea, Thierry Henry ran to the corner flag to celebrate and duly hit himself in the face with it resulting in the player needing to leave the pitch to receive treatment.

Salad cream

Dave Beasant, Wimbledon’s famous keeper, managed to sever a tendon in his big toe after dropping a bottle of salad cream on it.

Aftershave

In a bid to make Beasant feel better almost ten years after the Wimbledon keeper dropped his bottle of salad cream, Spanish goalkeeper Santiago Canizares re-enacted the event using a bottle of aftershave. The result? The same injury – a severed tendon in his big toe.

Hopefully this is making Valencia feel a little better.

Lightening

Danish player Jonathan Richter had to have his leg amputated after he was struck by lightning while playing in a friendly.

This is not stupid. We know.

Grass

Celebrating scoring a goal by sliding along the turf, Patrick Vieira once tore a hamstring.

Coke

Not the white powder but the fizzy drink was the villan when Jari Litmanen was hit in the eye by a ring pull which lodged in his cornea.

Remote controls

David James once pulled a muscle in his back reaching for a remote control and just to prove that remote controls are a danger to England keepers everywhere, David Seaman injured his knee while bending down to pick one up..

Hot water

Kevin Kyle, the former Sunderland player, managed to scald his own testicles when he dropped a jug of boiling water on them.

Yes. Testicles.

Dogs

Liam Lawrence suffered a sprained ankle after he tripped over the family dog.

Chicken wings

Ivano Bonetti suffered a fractured cheekbone when his manager, Brian Laws, hurled a plate of the team in a rage after their side had lost to Luton.

Tricycles

David Batty suffered an injured Achilles tendon when his son drove his tricycle into him.

Playstation

Long hours playing the Playstation left Alessandro Nesta needing surgery on the tendons of his left thumb which resulted in a four week lay-off.

Coffee tables

QPR’s Rio Ferdinand strained a tendon in his knee after resting his legs on his coffee table for too long while watching TV.

He was a Leeds player at the time.

Eggs

Kirk Broadfoot had to be admitted to hospital after eggs he was poaching in the microwave exploded in his face as he inspected them.

This stuff happens more than you’d expect, stir with caution!

Bed

Leory Lita suffered a pulled muscle in his leg when he stretched one morning after he woke up.

Drill

Darius Vassell decided that it would be a good idea to try and drain a blood blister on his toe by using a cordless drill.

Sand

Former Liverpool man Fabio Aurelio suffered knee damage when he was playing beach games with his children which ruled him out for the start of the 2009 season.

Puppy pee

Darren Barnard, the former Barnsley midfielder, was out for five months after he slipped on puppy urine.

Lawnmowers

Charlie George lost one of his fingers after a fight with a lawnmower. The lawnmower won.

Tony Adams

Picking up teammate Steve Morrow to celebrate Arsenal’s League Cup win in 1993 the Arsenal captain dropped him and Morrow ended up with a broken collarbone.

Ironing boards

Former Liverpool goalkeeper Michael Stensgaard ended up having to retire after the injury he suffered to his shoulder while folding down an ironing board turned out to be ‘acute.’

Attics

Former Arsenal and Everton goalkeeper Richard Wright fell through his attic door while putting away suitcases after he returned from holiday.

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Writer. Feminist. Dreamer. Gooner. Owner of DailyCannon.com, writing about Arsenal since 2008. Sometimes found in the Guardian, Vice.com & elsewhere talking queer issues, politics & football. If in doubt, assume sarcasm.