When you first came into my life, I had no idea who you were. Years later and I know you but you don’t know me, how could you?

And now it’s over and you never will.

Now, I get to sit and think about all the good times we shared, all the regrets of words not spoken and things not done.

I think about the dreams we built together, you and me. Some of them were fanciful but all of them were real, something ethereal to dream of together in the days when we wondered if it was all really worth it.

I think of the place we first met, where you first waved and I smiled at the thought of what might be.

I wonder how it will feel at this place we both used to call home to know that I will never see you there again.

I wonder what you’ll do. Will you find a way to replace me or will you sit with your grief, as I sit with mine, and let it mean everything and nothing?

We took it slowly at first, neither of us sure that this was real, hiding scars from past failures and not wanting to let hope run away with us. But it didn’t take long for the connection to spark, for the memories to build and for the joy to flow.

I thought it would be forever and I know you did too. Those first years together were the best of my life. But then real life happened and there was no escape. The pain of being together became greater than the anticipated pain of this.

There was no other solution. We needed to go our separate ways.

You’d tried to change, so did I.

I tried to ask less of you but you had given me so much in those first years that I was greedy and wanted more. I held you to an impossible standard because it was the one you set. I felt betrayed when you delivered less than I needed to fill fulfilled.

I know, in time, I’ll think of what we shared and smile without the sadness of what could have been.

I’ll laugh at the bad times and how they seemed much more important at the time.

I’ll see you with another and wish you happiness.

In time.

It wasn’t meant to end like this, with bitterness and regret.

Then, in truth, I don’t think either of us ever thought it was meant to end at all…

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Writer. Feminist. Dreamer. Gooner. Owner of DailyCannon.com, writing about Arsenal since 2008. Sometimes found in the Guardian, Vice.com & elsewhere talking queer issues, politics & football. If in doubt, assume sarcasm.