Last season Arsenal fans pretty much became their own caricatures.
Gooners have become so predictable that, if you’re not already an Arsenal fan, it’s pretty easy to pretend to be one.
Why would you pretend to be an Arsenal fan, I hear you ask?
Perhaps you have Gooner that you need to impress (we do have trouble managing our expectations), or, perhaps given how terrible the 2016/17 season was up in until the FA Cup final against Chelsea, you, a Gooner, have actually forgotten how to be an Arsenal fan.
You might be wandering around questioning whether Thierry Henry was really THAT good, or maybe you recently resisted the urge to shout “What do you think of s**t?!” in public.
You might even be considering taking up a weekend hobby. Something healthy, like the gym or swimming. Instead of watching football next season.
Well, stop that.
Fake it ’til you make it, they say.
Here are 12 ways to fake being an Arsenal fan.
12. Wenger in/out/shake it all about
Choose a stance on whether Arsene Wenger should have signed his new two-year deal and stick to it.
If you believe he should have left, just keep stating that it’s ‘time for change’; if not, bring up what he’s done for Arsenal Football Club.
Your safest bet is just to sit on the fence and acknowledge both.
11. The referee’s a w**ker!
Referees appear to love d**king over Arsenal. Therefore, as a fan, you get used to hating them pretty early on.
While watching a game, whether on TV or in person, every once in a while, just shout, “OI REF’!” and you should be fine.
10. Hello darkness, my old friend
Practice your best pensive face in the mirror at home.
The chances of you having to break it out while Arsenal are playing are pretty high, so you need to make sure it’s just right.
9. Walk the walk
Go to the Emirates. What’s more convincing that that? Perhaps try and avoid the away end.
8. Know your enemy
No matter what context, if someone so much as alludes to something being terrible, let out a wry chuckle and say, “Just like Spurs, am I right?” then wait for the highfives.
7. Arsenal ‘fan’ TV
Most Arsenal fans don’t actually watch Arsenal fan TV because whenever it’s ‘interesting’ it’s because the team have done terribly and everyone actually wants to go get drunk and escape reality.
Whenever you hear someone say that they can’t wait for Arsenal Fan TV, it’s because Arsenal have humiliated themselves, so never say that.
6. Know your enemy 2.0
Some enemies claim to be Gooners but they’re not. For example, if you ever agree with anything Piers Morgan says, you’ll be sussed out. Everyone will know you’re not an Arsenal fan. And think you’re a d**k.
5. Arsenal’s trophy cabinet
If someone ever brings up the fact that Arsenal haven’t won a title since 2004, calmly remind them that in 2012, we won a BEAR TROPHY. Oh, and three FA Cups in four years.
4. Find a sense of humour
If the pensive facial expression isn’t working for you, just chuckle. You might seem clinically insane but it helps.
For example, when Crystal Palace are thrashing you 3-0 away from home. You’ve got to laugh…
3. Banner brigade
You’re never too old for arts and crafts.
If you really want to be taken seriously as an Arsenal fan, print out a sign either saying ‘Wenger in’ or ‘Wenger out’ on it.
Preferably use a different front for each letter and don’t make it bigger than A4, then, wave that bad boy around at the next match you attend.
2. Be drunk
It helps if you’re drunk most of the time. This sorts the die-hard fans from the part-timers.
1. Know the songs
Arsenal songs are important. Especially if you’re in public – other people love that.
Also, it helps to know the words of certain chants at games. Just make sure you’re chanting for a player who’s actually on the pitch/still at the club.