Where do you even begin with Theodore Walcott?

The frontman/winger was taken off against United with 63 minutes on the clock, despite his side being in desperate need of a goal.

To be fair, he could have come off a lot earlier.

Largely anonymous for most of the first half, he did pop up long enough to try and run through a United player only to lose the ball and watch as Arsenal conceded their first goal.

His stats for the game were quite simply breath-taking in their awfulness, but you probably don’t need to read them to know how bad he was.

He created not one single chance, take-on or dribble, had zero shots, and got no crosses in. His passing accuracy was 66.7% (only marginally better than Welbeck to be fair).

He had 16 touches of the ball.


Let that sink in for a minute.


(Welbeck 39, Sanchez 63, Giroud 15).

Walcott made no tackles (Mesut Ozil made two, ffs), no interceptions, no clearances or blocks.

He played nine passes to Alexis’s 44, Welbeck’s 26, and Giroud’s 14. Alex Iwobi was on for eight minutes (plus added time) and played four.

This is not the first time Theo has had these sorts of numbers.

Tell us again, Theo, how you should be our super-star striker on the highest wage?

Please. Tell us again.