Jose Mourinho has hailed his Manchester United side’s spirit after they picked up a draw with Arsenal then hilariously claims they should have won.

181206 daily mail mark clattenburg united goal offside
Daily Mail, 6 December 2018

If we ever had any doubt that Jose Mourinho was something other than Tony Pulis with money then that was quashed on Wednesday night at Old Trafford.

Knowing full well that his side, as usual, couldn’t match Arsenal by playing football, Jose Mourinho sent his side out to kick all around them. Mourinho’s charges did exactly what the Dark Lord of Anti-Football commanded, so it’s no wonder he was so happy at the final whistle.

“The result is not the result we want, but what can you say?” Mourinho told MUTV. “Fantastic spirit, fantastic commitment, great intensity, great dynamic, happiness to give absolutely everything, people exhausted at the end of the game, lots of players in difficult circumstances.

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 05: Rob Holding of Arsenal receives medical treatment during the Premier League match between Manchester United and Arsenal FC at Old Trafford on December 5, 2018 in Manchester, United Kingdom. (Photo by Michael Regan/Getty Images)
MANCHESTER, ENGLAND – DECEMBER 05: Rob Holding of Arsenal receives medical treatment during the Premier League match between Manchester United and Arsenal FC at Old Trafford on December 5, 2018 in Manchester, United Kingdom. (Photo by Michael Regan/Getty Images)

”Many players were in difficulties. There were some good performances, but players in difficulty. Diogo Dalot, the first start. Marcos Rojo, the first minute. Matteo Darmian, the third start. Eric Bailly doesn’t play for a couple of months. Chris Smalling, a brave guy to play with such difficulties that he had, so it was really difficult, but the boys left their soul, they left what they have [on the pitch].

“It’s a positive sign [that the players sacrificed themselves], but there are things I cannot get from them and I cannot say much more than this. But they showed a big soul, everybody gave everything. That is for sure and it is a positive feeling. I cannot tell you much more. I prefer just to say that I am happy with the soul, the commitment, the bravery. I’m really happy with that.”

Manchester United's Portuguese manager Jose Mourinho (C) talks with the officials during the English Premier League football match between Manchester United and Arsenal at Old Trafford in Manchester, north west England, on December 5, 2018. (Photo by Oli SCARFF / AFP)
Manchester United’s Portuguese manager Jose Mourinho (C) talks with the officials during the English Premier League football match between Manchester United and Arsenal at Old Trafford in Manchester, north west England, on December 5, 2018. (Photo by Oli SCARFF / AFP)

Despite hailing them for getting a draw, his deluded mind also thinks they deserved to win the game which they absolutely, positively did not. United didn’t even deserve a draw and should have seen their first goal ruled out for offside and at least one player see red (Rojo’s tackle, Fellaini’s unpunished hair pull).

fellaini hair pull guendouzi

But that didn’t stop Jose.

“We should win the game,” he said.

“We made two big mistakes for their goals, we had other mistakes that were the mistakes that allowed them to have counter-attack situations. Easy passes that we lost, easy controls that we lost, things that at the high level you normally don’t do. And then again our performance is a little bit marked by these ups and downs, and the second goal comes in an awful moment for the team because at that moment we were on top of the game.”

OK, Jose, whatever you say.

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Writer. Feminist. Dreamer. Gooner. Owner of DailyCannon.com, writing about Arsenal since 2008. Sometimes found in the Guardian, Vice.com & elsewhere talking queer issues, politics & football. If in doubt, assume sarcasm.