We’re all guilty of it.
Arsenal play poorly and we spend all weekend lamenting the team, manager and/or referee until our blood pressure has simmered down to safe level.
Alternatively, Fabianski saves a penalty against Wigan to put us through to the FA Cup final and you run around your living room crying hysterically and throwing yourself at your perplexed flatmate (or was that just me?).
Celebrating is the best part of the game.
Feeling the adrenaline of your team scoring a goal, whether it was a complete worldie, bundled clumsily over the line, or a top-class save, it is the ultimate high to most football fans.
Being friends with several Arsenal fans as well as being one myself, I’ve gotten to observe the way we celebrate.
No two celebrations are the same; some are subdued, some go crazy, while others seem almost angry.
However, most seem to be able to be lumped into a certain category.
Here are the most typical celebrations from Arsenal fans that I’ve seen.
The ‘Too-Cool-To-Celebrate’ Celebration
We’ve all got that one friend who just won’t celebrate.
No matter how vital the goal, no matter what the ramifications of said goal are, they won’t even raise an eyebrow.
They’ll sit back, legs crossed at the ankles, slowly sipping a beverage during the match. Perhaps they’ll elicit a simple nod when we score, perhaps they’ll only blink.
They’re the same people who, at the matches, will remain seated and politely applaud after Tomas Rosicky puts us 3-2 up in the North London Derby.
These people have no souls.
Do not trust them and keep a bottle of holy water with you just in case.
The ‘Why-Are-You-So-Angry?’ Celebration
Usually, scoring a goal is a happy occasion because traditionally, in the beautiful game that is football, scoring a goal equals good/not scoring a goal equals bad.
Apparently, some people need to be informed of this because their goal celebration is more akin with someone who’s stepped on a plug than someone who’s celebrating.
They’ll grit their teeth and bellow aggressively, maybe violently punch something and get down on one knee. They may even foam at the mouth.
“Come on Arsenal!” They’ll snarl, as if Arsenal have just robbed their Nan, whilst I anxiously edge away.
The ‘Casual Elation’ Celebration
This is probably my go-to, automatic reaction when I’m watching the match at home.
It’s demur without people thinking you’d rather be anywhere but watching a football match, and enthusiastic without making people think you’re about to turn into the Hulk.
This celebration usually involves throwing your hands in the air, smiling (I know, crazy isn’t it?) and a casual fist pump.
Boy, do I love a casual fist pump. Sometimes, when I’ve had a couple of beers, I even get both hands involved.
The ‘Whatever’ Celebration
Some people just don’t love themselves and hate happiness.
When we score, instead of, you know, being happy, these people will actually seem genuinely perturbed.
Thankfully this type of celebration seems to be limited to Twitter, although I’m sure there are a few allowed out in the wild.
‘Finally.’ They’ll remark, if we’ve played well and it’s taken more than one minute to score.
‘Pfft. Don’t deserve it.’ If we’ve not been at our best and managed to get a scrappy goal.
‘Doesn’t matter. Whatever.’ They’ll snipe if we’re a goal behind and get the all-important equaliser.
‘Should be winning anyway.’ They’ll grunt if we come from behind to grab a last-ditch, winning goal.
If you’re ever travelling to a match with this type of celebrator and walk past an open manhole, you’d be forgiven for accidentally shoving them downit.
Not that I condone that sort of thing. Obviously.
The ‘Let’s-Go-Fudging-Mental’ Celebration
This should be the only celebration allowed at the Emirates. I’m pretty sure if it was, our home crowd wouldn’t have such a bad rep.
This usually includes tearing at one or more items of clothing, sometimes this clothing will be inexplicably torn off and helicoptered in the air. Often, the person celebrating will scream or simply cackle towards to heavens as if possessed, run around as if their backside if on fire and leap around like they’re on hot coals.
There will often be tears.
Hysterical, embarrassing, sobbing tears.
It’s usually around this time that any unsuspecting friends whom you’ve either dragged to the match or forced to watch with you at the pub or at home will start edging towards the door, wondering when you’re going to try and suffocate them with a plastic bag.
Which Arsenal celebration have you adopted?