Ahead of the north London derby this weekend, I thought I’d take a look at some of the things I dislike most about Tottenham.

This could have been a very long list, so I restricted it otherwise I’d still have been typing at kick-off.

Let’s start with the one I hate the most at present:

Dele Alli’s face

He’s a cheat. He dives. He whinges. He leaves his foot in. And he has a face that makes me want to smash things.

Petulant, immature, snide, Dele Alli is Tottenham personified and with Erik Lamela, he has a scummy partner in crime.

Harry Kane’s luck

The ultimate goalhanger who hopes something bounces off three players, hits his arse and goes in.

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang is better, has scored more (4 in 5 against Spurs alone) and isn’t a diving little sh*t. Tottenham turned him down before he signed for Dortmund (while he was a fully grown human unlike Harry Kane being rejected at Arsenal when he was a tubby 10-year-old).

Yeah, yeah, he’s better than we feared he might be, that still doesn’t mean he isn’t hateful.

Power-shift discussions

Despite not finishing above Arsenal for two decades until Arsenal were so bad they had to sack their most successful ever manager, every time Spurs have a good run in the league we have to listen to discussions about how the power is shifting/has shifted in north London.

Even though they managed to finish above Arsenal twice (twice!), that still doesn’t represent anything like a powershift. Totenham haven’t even managed to win a trophy during this infamous ‘shift’ while Arsenal won three.

Come back when Spurs have won another 11 league titles, one of which with an unbeaten season, and finished above Arsenal for 20 years in a row.

Then we’ll talk.

Their fans

I know Arsenal fans can be annoying but at least they are (mostly) realistic. For some reason, Spurs’ fans believe their club is on an equal-footing with Arsenal, with many actually declaring that they are better.

Their strapline

‘To dare is to do’ – what the f**k does that even mean?