Arsenal went to Stoke, stunk the place up, and left with nothing.
They weren’t the only poor thing on the pitch, the ref was pretty rotten too, but how bad were the Arsenal players individually?
Defence
Petr Cech 7
Out quickly to deny Jese (JESE! WTF) after Arsenal were cut apart right through the middle. Bouncer of a save to stop Arsenal going two-down in the second half.
Shkodran Mustafi 5
Jese made a fool of him in under 2 minutes and it set the tone. His first game back after the break and one he will want to forget quickly.
Nacho Monreal 5
Kicked the ball out when a Stoke player was just having a rest and was caught napping for Jese’s goal himself.
Sead Kolasinac 6
As one of the back three, his attacking threat was completely negated and was sacrificed for Giroud when Arsenal had to chase the game.
Next, midfield
Midfield
Granit Xhaka 4
Against Leicester I said that he would have better games (despite his two assists). This wasn’t one of them. Gave the ball away for Jese’s first Stoke goal, leaving a he gaping hole in midfieldand generally tried to play the Holywood pass when simpler alternatives were available. Replaced by Iwobi.
Aaron Ramsey 10
Gets a 10 just because it’s Aaron Ramsey at Stoke. F**k ‘em.
Hector Bellerin 5
Is he a defender? Is he an attacker? Does he know? Can he do either?
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain 6
Was quietly Arsenal’s most effective player with the best pass rate from both teams and still managed to be ineffective and slated by thousands of Arsenal fans.
Next, forwards
Forwards
Mesut Ozil 6.5
Was far more influential than he will be given credit for, making driving runs through the middle and cutting open the Stoke defence. Still isn’t at his best, however.
Danny Welbeck 6
Started the first half brightly on the left but fell away from the game once he was moved more centrally. Missed the ball completely when Butland spilled it and got a header completely wrong when Giroud would have scored. Every week I’ll say it, and every week it will make me sad – but what a player Welbz could be if he could finish!
Alexandre Lacazette 6
A quiet game for Laca, he got little change from the Stoke centrebacks. His monster finish for what should have been Arsenal’s equaliser was netbusting. Replaced by Walcott with Arsenal chasing the game.
Next, subs
Subs
Alex Iwobi 2
Touched the ball a few times, but is he really the player you turn to to save you at Stoke?
Theo Walcott 0
He came on, fell over. The usual.
Olivier Giroud 7
His first touch set Welbeck through who should have scored and his introduction made an impact as it usually does.
David Opsina NA
Per Mertesacker NA
Francis Coquelin NA
Mohamed Elneny NA
Next, referee
Referee
Andre Marriner 3
Booked more Arsenal players than he did opposition last season and was in no mood to even things up in this game. Allowed a clear, late foul on Danny Welbeck with only 5 on the clock, giving Stoke licence to foul for the rest of the game. The first foul of the game, naturally, went to Stoke. As did the second. Could have given two penalties to Arsenal in the first 20 minutes. Didn’t. Did give Stoke fouls when we didn’t even touch them, though
Simon Beck
Luckiest man in football this weekend? Absolutely no way he knew Lacazette’s big toe was offside.
Next, any other business?
Any other business?
Arsenal fans
Kudos, as always, to the travelling Arsenal fans who could be heard loud and clear on the TV singing about Stoke the s**thole.
Stoke fans
It took the Stoke fans less than a minute to start booing Aaron Ramsey. In case you’ve suffered some memory loss, it’s worth taking a moment to remember that Ramsey’s only crime was to have his leg shattered by Stoke’s captain and not rush to accept his apology because he was too busy finding out if he’d be able to walk again
BT Sport
In their build-up to the game they made a big deal of how hard Arsenal find it against Stoke before adding, quietly, that Arsenal haven’t lost to the Orcs in three years.
They also made little-to-no mention of the handball that could well have given Arsenal a penalty.
Finally, proof that the Britannia really is located in Mordor: