I’m have no words for Arsenal’s ‘performance’ against Crystal Palace.

Well, okay, I have a few: Pathetic. Disgrace. Ridiculous. Embarrassing. Enough.

Do they work?

You know I’m always nice when it comes to player ratings, and I usually try to find something positive in everything.

After this? No way.

Emiliano Martinez – 5

Okay, this is a positive rating, because Martinez was good. It wasn’t a penalty, and he was even close to saving it. He made some class saves throughout the match even though he was often was left alone thanks to the clowns in front of him. PLUS he uses my graphic as his Twitter header.

Nacho Monreal – 0

He’s been poor whole season, and he didn’t do anything useful against Palace.

Gabriel – 1

I’m giving Gabriel a 1 because I expect him to be the weakest link and he was okay, he even almost scored. But that’s it.

Shkodran Mustafi – 0

Big fat zero. Awful, bad, out of place, got a yellow card early on, it’s like he forgets how to defend whenever he needs to be defending. I used to be confident with him in the backline, but that is long gone now.


Hector Bellerin – 0

Big zero with an ugly man bun as well. He had some shots and crosses – towards no one and nothing. Caught out a few times, bad overall. Bellerin has won nine tackles in 2017. 9.

Mohamed Elneny – 1

Mo also gets a 1 because he had that awesome shot in the first half that, if it had went in, meant we would have only lost 3-1. Gonna miss him when we start Coquelin next week.

Granit Xhaka – 0

Honestly didn’t notice him that much which is always positive because he didn’t put in any reckless tackles.  But then again, he didn’t do anything else either.

Theo Walcott – 0

I missed the lineups before the game and didn’t realise Theo was playing until around the 40th minute of the first half. The same thing happened in second half. Invisible. Our captain as well.

Mesut Özil – 0

Yes. My heart hurts, but it is a zero for Mesut. He was trying, you could tell that, but for nothing. His poor pass in second half, after which Palace scored, was the final straw. For once, he very visible but not in a good way.

Alexis Sanchez – 1

Alexis gets a 1 for trying and making the same faces we all made at home. Other than that, he had some shots saved, he was trying backheels and other fun passes, in a game that was certainly not fun.

Danny Welbeck – 0

I could probably copy-paste my comment for Theo here. I love Danny, he’s been good for us but not tonight. Did he get double figures in passes and touches? I’m not sure. One goal in his last nine or so games, why is he starting ahead of Giroud?

Olivier Giroud – 0

He fell down once, asked for a penalty. It wasn’t a penalty.

Aaron Ramsey – 0

Did he touch the ball?

Alex Oxlade Chamberlain – 1

One might wonder why the hell didn’t he start.

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Anita is a twenty-something Gooner from Croatia who creates wallpapers for Gooners from all over the world, tweets too much, mostly about Arsenal and food, and is married to a United fan. She likes Scandinavian novels, British music, Italian food and certain French manager. She can be found on Twitter @Arsenalofka.