Anita used to be the most positive Arsenal fan on the planet and nothing could shake her faith in Arsene Wenger…until this season.
In the beginning
Brace yourselves – I’ve sat down to write something rather than make yet another set of wallpapers for players that frustrate me for 90 minutes every week.
To be honest, I’ve had an urge to write something about Arsenal since the home defeat to Bayern. A lot has been said and opinions are being shared every day, from both sides. I always think my opinion isn’t that different from many others and my urge to write it down usually stays only that.
But, here I am.
One of the reasons I sometimes don’t feel comfortable writing about my Arsenal thoughts is the fact I haven’t actually been a Gooner for that long compared to most of people I hang out with virtually.
Just a month or so ago, Facebook’s On This Day feature reminded me that it’s been 11 years since I watched Arsenal win against Juventus in Champions League and fell in love with a young Spanish midfielder and the club he played for.
I have never seen Arsenal win the league but I didn’t really feel like I was missing out. When I first started supporting Arsenal, I read the whole history and Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby so I was aware, bright and early, that titles don’t come easy and it used to be normal to go without a trophy for years.
We were in the Champions League final in my first season so I was used to losing too!
What I fell in love with at Arsenal was the way we played, that lovely football with beautiful passes and amazing team goals. It was all so nice but also somehow not “in your face” like Barcelona, for example.
Arsenal were always there, always playing their own football, not being cocky or mean in any way.
All that was lead by Arsene Wenger whom I grew to love as if he was one of my grandfathers that I’d never met. I never thought I would want a change or, even worse, that I’d think changing Wenger was the only way to keep me coming back to watch the matches.
I have always been Team Wenger, although perhaps not as much as most “AKBs”.
My patience with Arsenal has been larger than with anything else in my life.
They have frustrated me every weekend but, as with everyone else, I was looking forward to the next match as soon as the current one was finished.
This season, for the first time in these 11 years, I have enjoyed weekends without Arsenal more than those with them, and it’s not because of anxiety about the result.
It’s because I don’t enjoy watching them anymore.
It’s been a while
The other day, I tried to remember when was the last time I enjoyed an Arsenal match. It’s been almost 6 months – the Chelsea win in September.
We’ve played over 30 matches since then.
If you listen to our podcasts or read my player ratings, I am usually trying to find something positive or something to build on for next match. I stopped doing that.
That last match against Crystal Palace killed every bit of hope and positivity for me.
Hope in saving the season? No. My hope in Arsene.
“Will they finally fire him now?” – a question I get from every cousin or old friend I meet these days.
Even my mother asks me the same question whenever we watch Arsenal. I used to say “No” with some confidence and a lengthy explanation how he still has it, how there’s no one good enough to lead my Arsenal and “look at United!”
These days, I still say “No” (because who are we kidding) but with a sad face and no confidence at all.
“It’s the silent treatment when Arsenal plays”, says my grandma.
She’s right, I don’t like talking about it at all.
It’s hard to admit all this for me, because I don’t know any other Arsenal but Arsene’s, but it’s time for change.
That one last shred of the positive and optimistic idiot inside me is still screaming ARSENE CAN CHANGE AND LEAD ARSENAL TO NEW HEIGHTS ONCE AGAIN. And honestly, I’d still agree to Wenger staying for longer if he would change, even just a little bit, I am that crazy.
But, my Arsenal will finish below Spurs this season.
They will also probably be out of the top four.
They have been outplayed by more teams than ever before.
They lost five out of six matches at one point.
I have to be realistic and say this is not what I want for my Arsenal, no matter how much I care for the man in charge.
Change
What Arsenal need is change.
I don’t know who should be the new manager (I’d always go for Arsene from 20 years ago).
I don’t know who should be in charge on Arsenal board.
Heck, I don’t even know who should be the team captain.
But I do know that we really need a change, or at least to know that a change is going to happen soon.
This situation we are in at the moment is not helping anyone, from the players to us, the regular fans who end up arguing among ourselves because of all this uncertainty.
In May I’ll get to see my Arsenal play at home for the first time ever, against Manchester United.
I was beyond excited when we booked our tickets back in December and flights from Croatia, when we looked so good.
My excitement about the match has been slowly fading over last few weeks (I could say that my boyfriend, United fan, feels similarly).
The result, if it is very negative, could be the final nail in my “optimist” coffin.
What scares me the most is that, at the moment, I feel like a positive result wouldn’t do much difference for us, besides give me a nice memory and bragging rights in our relationship.
It’s similar to what a positive result gives our players – bragging rights on social media until they lose the next match three days later.