The press in Germany on Saturday were claiming that Arsenal are chasing Robert Lewandowski in a rumour that was briefly exciting until you realised they were getting their information from the Sun.

It is, on the face of it, a perfect rumour. Arsenal fans are desperate for a striker and there aren’t many better on the planet than Lewa. Arsenal also have the cash, so what’s the problem?

Well a major one is that he is currently at Bayern Munich and a regular starter. The only reason to leave a club like Bayern, really, is for more money or playing time. I don’t think Arsenal would be able to offer the Pole more of either of these things.

I don’t want to believe that Arsenal are not a super draw for every player on the planet, but the truth is there are a handful of clubs above us from whom we can only ever hope to tempt players they no longer want or use.

It’s not clear what forward Arsenal are actually trying to sign.

After Jamie Vardy, they have been linked with numerous players, but there seems to be little-to-no truth to any of them (even Lacazette).

Hopefully this means they are working on a deal that will surprise us all in the way Mesut Ozil’s signing did…and not like the surprise we felt when we signed Park Chu-Young.

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Writer. Feminist. Dreamer. Gooner. Owner of DailyCannon.com, writing about Arsenal since 2008. Sometimes found in the Guardian, Vice.com & elsewhere talking queer issues, politics & football. If in doubt, assume sarcasm.