After a Sunday off in which much rum was consumed, I woke this morning wondering if I was still drunk as I saw headlines claiming that Theo Walcott was ‘keen’ on a move to Barcelona.

The Arsenal man has allegedly emerged as a transfer target for the Spanish giants and now we are led to believe that he would quite fancy the move himself.

So what’s really going on?

Theo Walcott warms up before the English Premier League football match between Arsenal and Liverpool at the Emirates stadium, north London on August 24, 2015. AFP PHOTO / BEN STANSALL
Theo Walcott warms up before the English Premier League football match between Arsenal and Liverpool at the Emirates stadium, north London on August 24, 2015. AFP PHOTO / BEN STANSALL

Well, first up, the reports that started in the UK began with Metro based on reports in the Spanish paper AS who apparently got their ‘story’ from Bild, the German paper.

So the papers based in the two countries involved (Spain and England) got their reports from Germany. Because obviously the Germans would be the ones closest to this story, right?

Then you have a big deal being made out of Theo allegedly saying he’d love to play with Lionel Messi. Who the hell wouldn’t? I’d love to date a supermodel, but wanting and getting are two very different things.

I’d also point to Theo not being of Barcelona standard as well, but I can’t do that as they once signed Alex Song.

This whole thing is a story being made out of absolutely nothing at all. Pay no attention.

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Writer. Feminist. Dreamer. Gooner. Owner of DailyCannon.com, writing about Arsenal since 2008. Sometimes found in the Guardian, Vice.com & elsewhere talking queer issues, politics & football. If in doubt, assume sarcasm.