Here’s a conundrum for you.

In Theo Walcott, Arsenal hold the registration of the player officially crowned as the fastest footballer on FIFA 16. He can not only tear away from the speediest of defenders, but can also finish with aplomb at the end of those lungbursting dashes. [Editor’s note: Erm, sometimes.]

It is a talent he so ably demonstrated for the first goal against Stoke, but it brings with it a question: if you’re facing Arsenal, you win a corner and Theo Walcott is patrolling the halfway line, do you:

(a) Not even notice he’s there?

(b) Not really care that he’s there (er, what?)?

(c) Wet your pants?

Theo is a pretty divisive figure among Arsenal fans but for the opposition it’s easy to see that there’s only really one answer: they choose option (c) and nip into the nearest laundrette on the way home after the game.

So why is it that we insist on bringing Theo back to help defend corners? He’s not close to six feet tall, he’s the last person you’d want making a tackle in our box, and he’s not even particularly good at acrobatically volleying the ball away if it drops on the edge of the box.

It drives me absolutely mental that we don’t leave him prowling around the centre circle, ready to pounce on any hopeful clearance and generally make a nuisance of himself. It would force the opposition to leave a couple of players back, it would give us a chance of challenging them if the ball does emerge and prevent it from returning immediately to whence it came, and above all, it would give us a fantastic chance of counter-attacking when the opposition are at their weakest.

Walcott is not going to prevent a goal if a meaty centre-back rises above our zonal marking, but he may just put it in the back of the net at the other end if we use him as the outlet he can be.

His goal against Stoke is an example of just how effective he can be if used in the right way: one tackle, one pass front to back, touch, shot, goal.

We keep moaning about how Arsenal aren’t as sharp, as fast, as clinical as in days gone by. Well, let’s start by turning defence into attack every time we get a corner and unleashing Walcott – it’ll help our attack, and may just force the opposition to weaken theirs.

Moreover, it’ll help my blood pressure!