Is there anything quite like approaching the start of a brand new season, all shiny with possibilities? And trophies?

As the latest campaign to give us all massive heart attacks draws ever-closer, talk here at Cannon Towers turned to whether or not we should start and run a fantasy football league.

There’s no doubt about it, they are great fun to take part in but there’s also no getting away from the fact that they force you to do dirty, unspeakable things. Like cheering when that Chelsea defender you put in your side scores, for instance.

That’s even more of an issue when you’re playing for free, but if you sign up for one like the Sun’s Dream Team they give you real cash-money on a weekly basis (if you’re any good) and that, at least, helps buys a load of soap to get the stink off.

One of the things I like about Fantasy Football is they have much more realistic transfer fees than you get in the real world. You get a lump-sum budget of £50m and you have to buy your team with it, not just one blonde striker who’s rubbish. It’s more a game of Arsene Wenger than Jose Mourinho and who wouldn’t be on board with that?

I’m not sure why I’m singling out Chelsea so much in this, perhaps it’s because I hate them. That’s probably it.

PIC JON BOND. 14.07.2014 SUN DREAMTEAM PLAYERS FEATURING 11 YOU TUNBERS AT THE ISLE OF DOGS NCP CAR PARK POSING WITH SUN DREAMTEAM PAGES AND FILMING 5-A-SIDE AT CAR PARK PITCH E14 TODAY. PIC SHOWS KSI WITH SUN DREAMTEAM PULLOUT.
PIC JON BOND. 14.07.2014 SUN DREAMTEAM PLAYERS FEATURING 11 YOU TUNBERS AT THE ISLE OF DOGS NCP CAR PARK POSING WITH SUN DREAMTEAM PAGES AND FILMING 5-A-SIDE AT CAR PARK PITCH E14 TODAY. PIC SHOWS KSI WITH SUN DREAMTEAM PULLOUT.

Fantasy Football rewards attacking play. Load your team up with people who like to park the bus and you’ll be left with nothing at the end of the season. How it should be in real life too, if you ask me.

Another part of what makes the game great is trying to identify new signings in the league and young players who are going to make a breakthrough. I say ‘great’ but I’m still scarred by the fact I once picked Eric Djemba-Djemba thinking he’d be the one that would make the difference to my team.

PIC JON BOND. 14.07.2014 SUN DREAMTEAM PLAYERS FEATURING 11 YOU TUNBERS AT THE ISLE OF DOGS NCP CAR PARK POSING WITH SUN DREAMTEAM PAGES AND FILMING 5-A-SIDE AT CAR PARK PITCH E14 TODAY. PIC SHOWS SUN VIDEO TEAM FILMING AT 5-A-SIDE FOOTBALL PITCH LARKING AROUND IN E14.
PIC JON BOND. 14.07.2014 SUN DREAMTEAM PLAYERS FEATURING 11 YOU TUNBERS AT THE ISLE OF DOGS NCP CAR PARK POSING WITH SUN DREAMTEAM PAGES AND FILMING 5-A-SIDE AT CAR PARK PITCH E14 TODAY. PIC SHOWS SUN VIDEO TEAM FILMING AT 5-A-SIDE FOOTBALL PITCH LARKING AROUND IN E14.

I want to be able to pick all Arsenal players. Why is that not allowed? While I can reasonably see how that would be an unfair advantage this season, for the last decade it was hardly going to win me much. That way I wouldn’t have to worry about supporting opposition players that I can’t even bring myself to cheer on when they pull on my national team shirt. Or knowing anything about them, really.

We probably won’t start a Fantasy Football league here, mostly because we’re all too lazy to maintain it. But how are we supposed to compete with the ones who give you free soap money every week, anyway? And don’t forget, it’s always worth playing just to see all those Spurs fans who won’t win anything this year because they flat-out refuse to have any Arsenal players in their team.

This post was sponsored by the Sun’s Dream Team 

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Writer. Feminist. Dreamer. Gooner. Owner of DailyCannon.com, writing about Arsenal since 2008. Sometimes found in the Guardian, Vice.com & elsewhere talking queer issues, politics & football. If in doubt, assume sarcasm.