Tottenham Hotspur have revealed that they will include a ‘human zoo’ at their new stadium when it finally opens.
— Kyle Walker (@kylewalker2) January 20, 2017
Among new regulations in place at the stadium, fans will be advised not to bang on the glass lest they frighten players who already suffer from a variety of conditions that cause them to bottle matches on a regular basis. As standard at all zoos, people will also be asked politely to avoid feeding the players from the in-house bakery on the premises. They will not be serving lasagna or anything similar.
It’s not clear at this point if the club will also embark on a breeding programme to ensure the future of their species.
The new stadium, which has been modelled on a toilet bowl, will open to the public next year.