After dropping points for the 15th time this season, Arsenal have ordered an updated Excuse Manual for the 16/17 campaign as they have exhausted the current edition.
The manual, which was first introduced a decade ago, has been slimmed down over the intervening years as the same problems played out season after season.
It became an invaluable resource to the management and players when they had to speak to the media after an all-too-familiar defeat or performance.
The 16/17 edition will be fully updated and include the following sections:
- New rota for players to deliver ‘bounceback’ speech after losing despite dominating possession so it doesn’t always fall to Per Mertesacker.
- What to say when Arsenal have blown a lead depending on if it was one, two, three, or four goals.
- How to handle questions about team selection when the manager has left his world-class goalkeeper on the bench.
- Which players are to be described as ‘world class’ at all times.
- Plus much, much more.
With everything you need to know about how to talk about Mental Strength without actually having to learn anything about it, and when to apply words such as ‘handbrake,’ and ‘unlucky,’ the 16/17 AEM promises to be the most repetitive one yet.
As an added bonus, the first 100 copies will also include an insert specifically aimed at dealing with the transfer window.
This will include how to explain buying no-one by saying no-one is available, that we need to keep the players we have, or that no-one could be found that would improve the squad.
17 other transfer-specific excuses are also included.
16/17 AEM due out soon! Order yours now!