In the week leading up to Valentine’s Day, Arsenal haven’t exactly left us all feeling in the most amorous of moods.
As the club don’t play again until Sunday 15th January, it’s too late to rely on them to pick you up again beforehand.
Are you letting Arsenal ruin your love life*?
Here are some ways to tell.
*This assumes that Arsenal haven’t destroyed your love life so totally that you no longer remember what human touch feels like.
Anger
Angry people are not attractive people and shouting and screaming at a box in your living room is not going to make anyone think you’re this desirable hunk of good lovin’ just waiting for the final whistle.
If Arsenal do anger you, and let’s face – they do, then you need to start watching your games where your partner can’t see you.
If, on the other hand, you’re with someone who finds acting like a lunatic a turn-on, that might raise its own set of issues you might want to look at.
Advice – Watch Arsenal alone or with people you aren’t sleeping with.
Tears
There’s nothing wrong with crying, especially as you watch Arsenal reject Harry Kane slot home a second with only minutes left on the clock, but like anger above, it’s not the most conducive emotional state for getting it on. Nor the most attractive.
Advice – Watch Arsenal alone or with people you aren’t sleeping with.
Distraction
Why did he play Sanchez when he wasn’t fit? Why did Theo not track back? How did they do something so monumentally stupid? Again!
There are a thousand-and-one reasons why Arsenal could be causing you to be distracted but, as we all know, it’s impossible to do your best ‘work’ when your mind is on something else.
Reciting the Invincibles in your head to keep things going is one thing, wondering why Arsene Wenger has such trouble with his zip is something else entirely.
Advice – Learn how to compartmentalise your life better.
Neglect
Do you sometimes wonder if you’re in a relationship with Arsenal or your partner? Does your partner? What comes first? What holds the most importance in your life? Arsenal will always be there, but can you say the same for your other half if you insist on always putting the club first?
On the plus side, this is a great way of getting rid of unsuitable partners as surely, if s/he loves you, s/he loves, or at the very least tolerates, your ridiculous obsession with the Gunners.
Advice – Only date other Gooners.