Sunday’s match was a perfect example of when the stars align for Arsène Wenger.

It all started perfectly, with Alexis softening up the opposition with strategically posted instagram pictures of his adorably cute Golden Retrievers, lulling them into a false sense of security so that they expected Arsenal to present a soft underbelly when the planned tactic was to then display the aggression of eleven ravenous Rottweilers.

Coquelin did a marvellous impression of this in the game itself, using his small size to convince the ref he was harmless and then snapping at the heels of the likes of Silva and Aguero to the point where they practically rolled over in submission.

Bosscielny also had to put in a request for new shorts ahead of Sunday’s game against Brighton, since Aguero has been ensconced in his pocket for so long he can legally now claim squatter’s rights.

Beyond that, it was all about magic Arsène’s tactics.

Arsenal deliberately ceded space on their right hand side because we knew Clichy’s crossing would be so abysmal. Clever of Wenger to give Agent Cliché his assignment to pick out the first man on every occasion as per his extensive training.

Ospina’s kicking doesn’t appear to be able to clear halfway with any regularity. However, this is obviously an ingenious tactic designed to force his defenders to HOOF the ball clear rather than play dangerous back passes.

The decision to switch the ball at half time for one with a magnetic chip on the centre also went undetected, and Wenger made the perfect choice of player to wear the corresponding magnetic boots. No one could take the ball from Cazorla at any point in the game, but post-switch Giroud developed an uncanny knack of collecting the ball with an outstretched toe after half time, allowing arsenal to retain possession with ease. Luckily the ref saw it too, so no retrospective action can be taken.

Another master stroke from Wenger was his choice to don the sleeping-bag coat during the half time interval so that Bouldy could help him with the zip. This freed up the cameras to focus purely on Santi’s delightful celebratory jig.

Mike Dean also had a cracking game, and deliberately chose not to send off Kompany for chopping down Alexis when already on a yellow so that no one could argue Arsenal won this game as a result of playing 11 v 10. Arsène will need to come good on that post-match foot rub he promised to avoid repercussions.

In fact, overall Wenger’s tactics were so impressive, he ought to be offered a 7-year contract à-la-Pardieux, because there is no better manager in world football right now.

Thierry Henry finished off the perfect day by killing Graeme Souness in the post-match analysis so we now never have to listen to his garbage again*. Plus, he’s so fit. (Thierry, not Souness. Va va voom!)

What a perfect day.

*may not be true